Comforting Thoughts
by MinniHowl
Summary: Alice is worried she's losing herself and going mad. She can't separate her thoughts from her two lives. Her father comforts her and encourages her to speak to Robin whom Alice is afraid to lose. Two scenes, short story. First part is KnightRook, second part is CuriousArcher/MadArcher.


**KnightRook** and **CuriousArcher/MadArcher** short.

 **A/N:** _After finally watching the 7th season of Once Upon a Time, I became a bit obsessed with Alice (Tilly), her father (Rogers), and Robin (Margot). This is my first finished, and seriously written, fic in years and years. It's also my first short fic where I wrote with the intention of it containing only two short scenes. I hope you enjoy it :) Reviews are always appreciated._

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Once Upon a Time or the characters.

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The moon shone brightly through Alice's window and into her room, illuminating the girl lying awake in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Alice's piercing blue eyes bored themselves into the roof as she lay thinking about her life, both her lives. They were so different, but yet somehow similar. So much so that they tended to blend together in her mind sometimes, perhaps it was an after effect of being a Guardian. After all, she had been the only one who needed additional medication to stop her from remembering her life from the Enchanted Forest while everyone was under Drizella's curse in Hyperion Heights.

Although Alice remembered everything now and didn't need the pills to stay sane, she felt her cursed life bleed into her persona at the most unexpected times. Sometimes it was so confusing she wished she was still on her pills, which was crazy, right? The pills wouldn't even do anything now. She wondered if anyone else suffered from something like this, but she had yet to dare ask anyone. Not even Robin knew about this because Alice had been very good at keeping a level head while with her even when her thoughts got muddled, but yesterday had been different. She had said something that had obviously thrown Robin off. The problem was that Alice couldn't remember what she had said. She only remembered the stunned look on Robin's face before her eyebrows knitted together in concerned suspicion. Alice, being Alice, had gotten out of there quite quickly after that. Robin was too good at reading Alice, better than anyone, even herself sometimes, maybe even getting better than her father was.

However, whatever Alice had said, Robin was sure to ask about it tomorrow. She wasn't the type of girl to let things like that go without an explanation. With a sigh, Alice turned to lay on her side, trying to find a comfortable position, but it was no use, she was too restless to lie still, let alone sleep. Conceding defeat, she got out of bed. She was wearing light blue pajamas with bunnies on them, apparently her papa thought it was a cute joke, and, admittedly, Alice agreed. She loved bunnies, always had, both as Alice and as Tilly.

Alice looked at herself in the mirror glued onto her closet door, her blonde hair was a mess after all her tossing and turning, but she didn't really mind it right this moment. All she wanted was for her thoughts to be clear. With a heavy sigh she turned from the mirror and started pacing the length of her room. "Alright, just pull it together. You know who you are," Alice muttered to herself as she shuffled back and forth, but even as she said it, memories from her life as Alice and then memories of her life as Tilly floated into her mind, blending together in a jumbled-up mess. "Argh! Stop it!" Alice said loudly and closed her eyes tightly while clenching her fists.

"Alice? Are you alright, love?" Killian's voice asked from the now open bedroom door. Alice spun around, "I'm fine, papa," she said a little too quickly, blinking away the moisture that had begun to cloud her vision just moments before.

Killian raised his eyebrows. He could easily tell that something was really bothering Alice. "Come on, why don't we talk in the living room? I brought home some cupcakes, the ones you like," he said with a warm smile.

"I'm not hungry."

"Well, now I know something's definitely wrong. Why don't you come out and tell me about it while we eat?" Killian persisted kindly, smiling encouragingly at Alice who hesitated. "Talking about it might help." When Alice still didn't move he added, "We can go for a round of chess if you'd like."

A ghost of a smile flitted across Alice's face. Her papa always knew what to say and what to do. Perhaps he could help. He knew her better than anyone. "Alright then," she agreed.

"Now, why don't you tell me what's keeping you up at night?" Killian asked while moving a pawn two slots forward.

Alice sighed, "Well, it's just that I'm having a hard time focusing lately," Alice muttered slowly, trying to keep her voice event. She moved a knight forward to chase Killian's tower, her eyes carefully trained on the board, avoiding looking at her father.

"Focusing on what exactly?" Killian looked up and despite his daughter's eyes staring at the board, he caught her gaze.

"I dunno. Who I am, I guess. Alice or Tilly." Alice flicked her eyes back down to the board, frowning at it.

"Well, you're both, Starfish," Killian replied steadily, moving his tower further away from Alice's knight.

"But I don't want to be both!" Alice exclaimed, looking up again. A pained look crossed her face. "I just want to be me, just Alice. Not crazy Tilly."

"You were never crazy," Killian said evenly, "You knew more than most. We were the crazy ones all along."

"It doesn't change how it was like before. Anyway, it doesn't matter, does it? Being two people, it's too much. My memories are being all fuzzy and moving into one another, and sometimes I can't tell which is which," Alice said desperately. She moved a rook forward without thinking, causing Killian's pawn to take it off the board with ease.

"Like two jigsaw puzzles in one box?" Killian teased ever so slightly, remembering Alice saying that to him and Henry back before the curse broke.

Alice's mouth twitched before returning to a look of despair, "Yes, two unsolvable ones," she muttered unhappily.

"A smart girl once asked 'what is the point of a solvable one?'" Killian said with an amused mischievous twinkle in his eyes, a look only a pirate could pull off.

"Weaver told you about that?" Alice asked, distracted for a minute. She was not sure if she was happy about Weaver telling Killian about things she had said without her permission, but realized she didn't mind her father knowing.

"He did, and he was right. Life is an unsolvable puzzle, but we navigate it the best we can," Killian said, "It's how we decide to deal with it that matters."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alice asked, drawing her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She cocked her head and looked quizzingly at her father.

"Why do you think your memories are conflicting? One puzzle intruding on the other?" Killian asked, looking up at Alice with a mildly inquisitive gaze.

Alice frowned. "I dunno, I…" she mumbled, trailing off. "I know now why my mind as Tilly was disoriented the way it was, but somehow it doesn't keep my mind from still scattering when I don't want it to!" Alice closed her eyes in frustration and drew a breath. "I'm scared," she whispered eventually. "I said something yesterday, something to Robin. I don't remember what it was, but it made her look at me different. I know my mind went a little-" Alice made a confused hand gesture, "and then Robin was looking at me with her curious-but-confused face, and then I left." Alice paused. "I'm not mad," she said slightly defiantly, more to herself than to Killian.

"No, you're not, but-" Killian said.

"I don't want Robin to know that I can't separate who I am from who I was under the curse. I feel like I'm losing it and I don't want her to…" Alice interrupted thickly, tears were slurring her vision once again and her voice trailed off yet again.

"Why not? She could help you," Killian said.

"How?" Alice sniffled.

"She's your true love. She loves you, Alice. But, don't forget that she loved you as Tilly too. You found each other as your cursed selves before you knew who you really were. Robin is not going to leave you just because you're having a difficult time with remembering two lives. Don't forget, she's got two sets of memories as well." Killian moved to Alice's side of the couch, draping his good hand around her shoulders in a hug. "Listen, Starfish, your other life might have been a little unusual, but that doesn't change anything. It's part of who you are. You're not losing who you are. Even when we were cursed, who we truly were remained. Talk to Robin in the morning, you'll see. Trust her."

Alice dried her eyes. "Thank you, papa. You always know exactly what to say." She smiled up at him, gaining her confidence back. She hated feeling alone, but with her father and Robin around, she never truly was, and she was forever grateful for them both.

 **O.U.A.T.**

Alice was pacing outside Roni's bar where Robin worked, and also lived wither aunt Roni while her mother was away with her new husband. She was incredibly nervous about going in and seeing Robin, and not the good kind of excited feeling she usually got in anticipation of spending time with her love.

"You can do this. Come on. Don't be a coward," Alice tried to motivate herself. "Just go in there and tell her. You'll be fine, she'll be great, like always. Nothing to be scared of. Everything's _fine_ ," she muttered insistently to herself.

With her hand on the door handle she summoned all her courage, but before she could push down and open the door someone else came out. Alice jumped back and turned around awkwardly, swinging her arms like she just happened to be hanging around. The man who had come out threw her a strange look, which Alice tried to return with a winning smile. The man frowned at her and walked away.

"Fantastic work, Alice," Alice sighed to herself and looked up at the slightly gloomy sky. Her courage was dwindling as she stared at the light grayness, debating whether or not to just go home.

"Alice?"

Alice turned around at the sound of Robin's voice, "Hi there, Robin. I was just, I just arrived, I was about to come in, but the…" she babbled while pointing uselessly at the sky, trying once again, and failing, to smile happily. Robin looked at her with a raised eyebrow and arms folded over her chest, telling Alice with her whole body that she didn't believe a single word coming out of Alice's mouth.

"I've seen you through the window pacing out here for the past ten minutes," Robin said teasingly. Her pale green eyes were sparkling with amusement, but shadowed by worry.

"Oh, well, yeah," Alice scratched her head lamely, knowing she was busted. "I suppose…" Alice folded her hands behind her back and scraped her left boot through the pebbled ground, looking down. "Was just a bit nervous, you know?" she mumbled with a shrug.

"About what?" Robin shifted her weight and let her hands fall to her sides as she cocked her head curiously at Alice. Robin had her suspicions, but she knew that Alice needed to get the words right herself so she waited patiently.

"About yesterday," Alice replied at last. She looked up quickly to meet Robin's gaze, but dropped her eyes back down to the ground immediately. She knew that Robin knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Right," Robin muttered with a nod. In two strides she was at Alice's side. "Do you want to talk about it?" She put an arm around Alice's shoulders in a comforting one-armed hug.

"Maybe," Alice mumbled. "I just don't want you to see me different."

"I could never, you know that. You'll always be my Tower Girl," Robin said with a confident grin.

Alice relaxed into Robin's hug and smiled too, "That's right, I'm not easy to get rid of," she teased back, her mood had lifted considerably by Robin's presence.

"I seem to remember something about outrunning a Bandersnatch," Robin nodded in mock thoughtfulness, as if she didn't remember every single moment spent with Alice with perfect clarity. "You know I'm never getting rid of you though. You're mine forever," Robin said seriously.

Alice closed her eyes happily and leaned more comfortably into Robin's body, "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered.

The girls stood in silence for a minute before Robin spoke, "Wanna go inside?" she asked. "It's kinda cold out here," she added when Alice gazed up at her with a puzzled look. Robin was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans and the cool air had caused goosebumps to appear on her arms.

"Yes of course," Alice said once she saw what Robin was wearing. She tended not to notice Robin's clothes too much, she was too busy looking at her face. Anyway, fashion had never been either Alice's or Tilly's thing. Trapped in a tower she'd had no need for it, and then travelling realms looking for a cure for herself and her father had demanded all of her attention, and then came Robin who consumed Alice wholly and completely. As Tilly she had been more worried about surviving than looking good. Her usual attire was a variety of plaid shirts and skirts or tights in various states of shabbiness. And, of course, her army green jacket and boots.

Robin slipped her hand into Alice's and tugged her gently towards the door. Once she opened it however, Alice came to a slight halt. "Oh, it's loud in here," she said shaking her head.

"Right, there's some sort of celebration going on, what else is new? Let's go up to my room," Robin said understandingly. Even though Alice had travelled a lot, she had still spent most of her life in isolated silence in a tower all alone. Robin knew that loud noises and big crowds weren't Alice's favorite kind of scene, and so she dragged Alice quickly past the noisy crowd and up the stairs in the backroom up to her much quieter bedroom. With the bar downstairs, the walls were of the noise isolating type so it would shut out the bar noises.

"That's much better, thanks," Alice said as Robin settled down on the loveseat in her room, dragging Alice down beside her.

"You're welcome," Robin said with a smile. "Now, tell me what's going on."

"It's just, about, you know, what I said yesterday…" Alice stuttered hesitantly, "I mean, I don't really remember what I even said, but…" She wrung her hands together while trying to find the right words, jittering nervously in place.

"You just said that -" Robin said.

"It doesn't matter," Alice interrupted, "I mean, what I said, that doesn't matter. If I can't remember then … It's just, I don't know, something happens in my head sometimes, still, you know, even after the curse." Alice suddenly stood up, her hands gesturing in the air trying to convey what she meant, "it's like my mind's all over the place and I can't separate my thoughts." Alice was rambling disconnectedly and very fast. "It's like I know what's what, but I don't. I can't figure out what belongs where. Do you know what I mean?"

"Alice, calm down," Robin said trying to soothe the slightly hysterical girl. She stood up and grabbed Alice by the arms, "you're not making any sense."

"It's like my mind's two jigsaw puzzles in one box and I can't sort out which pieces go where," Alice echoed what her father had said, or really what she had said, she just didn't know any other way to put it. Speaking in riddles just made everything easier.

Robin smiled understandingly. "You know, more than anyone else, your lives really were a blend and not two completely separate entities like the rest of ours were."

"What's that mean?" Alice frowned curiously.

"Your Enchanted self was always lurking right underneath the surface of your cursed self. It's no wonder your lives are harder to distinguish, they were always blended together. You know, how you sometimes got confused and had bad days." Robin replied, her tone made it clear that she didn't think that had been a bad thing at all. "Those were your Enchanted Forest memories trying to push through to make you remember."

"But what does that matter now? I mean, that's just it, isn't it?" Alice exclaimed. "I'm not supposed to be confused and have bad days anymore! It should all be clear now, but I'm still blinded!" She was so agitated that she was bouncing slightly in place.

"Alice." Robin took her hands and pulled her back down onto the loveseat, "You're not blind, you're not confused, or mad. Not at all," she said firmly.

"But I am! I must be." Alice replied, but slightly doubtful at Robin's utter confidence.

"No, love," Robin said with a small smile. "I think that your mind is working against you because you're scared. Your cursed life was harder than most of ours, but you were also closer to who you really were. I think that now that you remember everything, you're afraid to embrace the part that's still Tilly because, while your life as Alice wasn't an exact fairytale – until you met me -," Robin smiled playfully before continuing, "you knew who you were. Cursed Tilly couldn't always figure out what was what, but you can now. You just have to accept both your lives as one. I think that if you stop fighting it you'll find it's much easier and your mind will work with you. You weren't crazy then, and you aren't now either."

Alice was staring at Robin. It was a lot to take in, and Alice wasn't even sure she'd understood it all, but it sounded good, it sounded right. However, it also sounded hard and frightening. Even so, if Robin was there, Alice could do anything, she knew that. "You'll help me sort it all out?" she questioned tentatively.

Robin almost looked offended. "Of course I will!"

Alice grinned. "You always know what to do, don't you?" she said, looking at Robin with a look of pure admiration.

Robin blushed under Alice's adoring stare and looked down, "You make me better and braver than I could ever dream of, Tower Girl."

"Back at you … Nobin," Alice murmured teasingly.

Robin gave her an annoyed look and rolled her eyes, but she wasn't really that annoyed.

"I love you," Alice said seriously, "You make everything better." Alice leaned into Robin and sighed contently.

"I love you too," Robin said with a blissful smile.

Alice closed her eyes and let her mind loose. With Robin there, she had no fear of her mind anymore. Robin kept her grounded. When her mind got muddled, Robin would be there to pull her back and help her remember everything the right way, always.

"Forever," Robin whispered into Alice's hair, as if she had read the girl's thoughts.

Alice smiled, her eyes still closed. Her papa had been absolutely right; Robin could help, her mere presence helped.

"Thank you," Alice said simply.

"Always," Robin replied.


End file.
